TEEN TALK

2010-01-06

Teen Talk

 

Setting the rules

 

 

How to effectively set guidelines that your teen (let’s hope!) will always follow

 

DRAMA between you and your teen regarding her curfew, her friends, schoolwork, housework, even her clothes doesn’t have to be present 24/7. As teens are in a stage of development when they’re trying to assert their independence and find their identity, it would be best to get them involved when it comes to setting the rules. Here are some ideas of what you can do:

 

 

1) Make the rules or guidelines a collaborative effort between you and your teen so you can congenially discuss issues such as his or her areas of strength (e.g., a teen’s love for sports, reading, art, social work, music, or socializing) and areas that need improvement (e.g., punctuality, dependability, accountability, time management, resourcefulness, etc.). Make suggestions that can enhance strengths and bring about positive change where required. Let your teenager formulate the rules toward these objectives. There is greater likelihood a teen will adhere to self-imposed rules.

 

 

2) Do bring in issues like hours spent socializing on the phone, on the Internet, after-school, and on weekends. Get the agreement of your teen on each of these. Clarify with your teen whether it should be a movie, a night-out once a week, or a combination of both. Let your teen first explain what’s important and meaningful, before you give your views. Listen, learn, ponder. Then, allow for the rules to be set.   

 

 

3) There are three main areas in a teen’s life that need guidance: academic, social, and psychological.  Since academic goals are reviewed regularly from reports, grades, and parent-teacher meetings, many parents tend to ignore the social and psychological dimensions in their teen’s life. Take note that those dimensions are also important and would also need your support and regulation.  

 

 

4) Be aware of peer pressure in your teen’s life and its enhancing as well as damaging effects on your child’s psyche. Peer pressure walks a fine line—it can help a teen find a sense of identity, priorities and goals, but it can also make a teen lose these completely.  Parental enlightenment, affection, morality and engagement can help effectively.

 

Good luck!  You’ll need it in abundant doses!